Posts Tagged ‘Elections’

While we are firmly in favor of free elections (if indeed such a thing exists any longer with the Citizens United vote ruling by the Supremely Incompetent Court), we can’t help believe they really are nothing but beauty contests. There is no swimsuit competition, thankfully, though the humiliation candidates will put themselves through defies description much less an understanding.

The Supremely Incompetent Court.

We, and this means you too, have our choice of “electable” boobs – no, not the kind teenagers and middle-aged men gawk at in the real beauty contests (we like them too), we’re talking about the vaporous kind enhanced by DuPont. Each one of these over-promising and incredibly under-delivering dolts has only thing in common with the rest of their brethren dolts – and that is a towering ego. Is it a compensation problem? Possibly. But the problem is, is that each one of these buffoons has a cast of well-heeled minions willing to lay down their dollars, if not their lives, on the lines to forward asinine agendas. Hey, that sounds like a punk rock group – “Ladies and Gentlemen, please give it up for the Asinine Agendas singing their newest hit song…” – blah, blah, blah.

Have you ever met a candidate running for office in full heat? It’s not’s a pretty thing. Also, if you shake their hand, quickly get an antibiotic injection,  and please, at the very least get some hand sanitizer and use the whole bottle. You don’t want to spread this crap around. These guys have been known to be harmful to pregnant and nursing mothers.

Know that if you vote, and we encourage voting as it perpetuates the concept of a free society, your vote will be counted. By whom?  Hell if we know. When? That’s another good question. These can easily be answered by determining how much you paid to your alderman. Remember, they want to be loved and they also want your vote. One though does not instantly confer the other.

All-purpose voting booth and urinal.

So all of these doofuses, (doofi?) want your vote. They’ll smile at you prettily and answer all your questions before the election. Try and reach them after a major snowfall closes your street. You’ll have a better chance finding them hiking the Appalachian trail.