Archive for the ‘Politics’ Category

Have you ever considered the similarity between elections and supermarkets? Especially in this current electoral cycle? There always seems to be a mess to cleanup.

Before supermarkets, we could go into a store and ask for, say, coffee, and get a pound of the wake-me-up-quick-before-I-die brew. Now you have French Roast, Sumatran, K-cups, Senseo, instant (puke!), French Press (sounds sort of like a very effete dry cleaner), drip, perc, Mr. Coffee (does Mrs. Coffee mind him waking up with all those other people?), and a whole host of others promising, but not really delivering, the best cup of coffee in the whole world. Sort of like candidates running for political office.

Which one looks like your candidate?

Through this wonderfully convoluted nomination and election process called democracy (democrazy?), we have had numerous candidates try to do their best imitations of souffles only to fail/fall, rise again, fall again, display some sort of electoral tumescence to partially rise only to disappoint once again. (“It’s OK, it’s not your fault, it happens to a lot of men.”)

We go up and down the aisles of this Costco-sized nomination process sampling, at the end-caps, the offerings put before us in the hopes we’ll like it, buy it, and take it home. So what if it’s 50 lbs. of chicken?, we’ll freeze it and eat it as we like. Damn, that does sound like a candidate. Once elected, they’re there for a while or at the very least until they expire by the “Buy By Date.”  If we’re brave, we’ll toss it out at that time. (Read this as the re-election process.) And after a while we will get tired of all the possible chicken permutations. Tetrazzini? Sure. Marsala? Absolutely! Hash? Maybe not so much. And that is the election process…hash (and not the happy kind).

Hash is defined as a coarse mix of ingredients. Given what’s going on politically, can you really argue otherwise? We are in a veritable Piggly Wiggly (no offense to Miss Daisy, of course) of candidates. In no particular order or preference, here are the ingredients that are currently going into our hash heap:

Romney – the Wonder bread of candidates: no discernible flavor or opinions, goes great with mayonnaise;

Santorum – Scrapple – a Pennsylvania favorite: a rehash of a hash whose ingredients are always suspect; sounds better than it tastes;

A type of scrapple.

Obama – a wry bread; tasty but always needing just a little more …something;

Paul – cod liver oil: probably good for you but tastes like… you know;

Gingrich – human yeast: it’ll get a rise out of things, but on it’s own tastes like…See Paul;

But, keep in mind other ingredients went into this to get us where we are today:

Pawlenty – Wonder Bread Lite;

Daniels – Mystery meat;

Perry – Jerky, the beefy kind;

Bachmann – Tomato aspic – looks good, kind of jiggles around but no substance, does not taste good either.  (See Santorum);

Huntsman – Corn starch – similar texture and color (to talcum powder), makes things thicker and that’s about it.

So there you have it: your very own supermarket of candidates. But you better hurry, because most of their buy-by dates are almost here.

Ooops! Too late!