I’m sorry… I gave at the office, now go away.

Posted: October 29, 2012 in Advertising, Charity, Corporate greed
Tags: , ,

One of the things that both Bruce and I abhor is “charity”. Not the concept. No, we tithe regularly, we contribute to the United Way (but do wonder what they’re united against, but that’s another story), and we buy Girl Scout cookies, though with expanding waistlines, that may stop this year. Oh, the horror – no more Thin Mints or Samoas!

We take umbrage against all those charities that: A. have money to advertise on TV; B. send people door-to-door asking/begging/pleading for money; C: have t-shirts with cleverly designed, expensive ad agency designed logos; and D: anything that manipulates and tugs at our heart strings; you know the kind, the ones with sad-eyed puppies and kitties. Blechh! We are not heartless. But we have become increasingly cynical if that is at all possible. Just because they may have a band, doesn’t mean we have to contribute our money. Now if they had a new CD out, maybe we’d buy it.

Can’t wait to hear the new CD.

If I see one more TV commercial with some sad-faced dog or cat, I will personally start boycotting all pet stores. Bruce does not agree with me on this being the capitalist lackey that he is, but I believe they are all part of a larger pet cartel bent on separating us from our money to lavish expensive and unnecessary gifts and toys on unappreciative pets. When have you ever heard of a dog asking for a toy ball with bells in it? Never! Really!

On the other hand, Bruce has absolutely no sympathy at all for any of these suspects foundations seeking a cure for a disease no one has ever heard of or at the very least only in one in 736 million ever contracts. Then there are groups who lobby for money because they can. The Foundation for Dandruff Research will not save lives and Bruce will not help people with itchy scalps. It’s just not in his DNA. Use a better shampoo damn it!

We both respect fire fighters very much. But that they have to stand at the side of the road with their boots held out for spare change is just wrong. Give ’em a bucket at least! Standing barefoot on a concrete road in the winter is just wrong!

Christmas time brings out the most egregious abuse of “charitable” excesses. A forlorn, wasted bell-ringer does not put either of us in the holiday spirit. And dressing up the poor guy in a Santa costume? What does that tell kids? It must stop! The message that conveys is that Santa is poor and has to beg for change in order to buy your gift made in China is not a good one. After all, the hard-working under-paid workers in China deserve a better representation. Don’t they? It’s enough to make our blood boil. Actually, that pot they use would be good for that or at least a very hearty stew so good on the cold days after standing outside of the mall.

Happy bell ringers!

And let us weigh in on people who knock on your door at inopportune times asking if you have found the way? No. But I wasn’t looking. Thank you for asking. Now go away. Now! Jeez!

We would like to propose that charities must pass an Acceptability Examination. This AE would separate the wheat from the chaff and would set limits on how much they could collect in a single year. Each category would have a collection limit threshold. Go over that and Uncle Sam gets the balance. This way the gross profits that say the Foundation for Dandruff Research receives would not find their way into their CEO’s pockets. It would also have the added benefit of limiting how many requests for money we all would receive.

So in this season of giving thanks, presents, a damn maybe, give a second thought to who you might be giving your money to. If they can afford to ask for it, they can probably afford to give it. Yeah, I know – Bah, Humbug! Better the devil you know…

Comments
  1. sounds like you guys would like the newly formed facebook cause page “I Gave at the Office”

    https://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/I-Gave-at-the-Office/138853816263732?fref=ts

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