Blogging for idiots, 101.

Posted: May 7, 2012 in Blogs, Humor, Music
Tags: , ,

We are bloggers. There…we’ve said it and admitted it. It’s been known that the first step to recovery is to admit you are not well, or addicted, or some such malady from which you never knew you suffered. Sounds like self-flagellation for which we would much rather have a willing partner.

The Patron Saint of Blogging/Pin-up Queen/Blogger’s Centerfold.

One must learn the underlying factors that contribute to blogging. Until they are discerned, one must face that a life filled with half thoughts, incomplete sentences, bad grammar, crappy art, excess time, poor spelling, gratuitous foul language (not that there’s anything wrong with that), and the realization that the usual self-aggrandizement that comes with publicizing one’s own persona is a life bereft of any true meaning. And your diet will consist  of anything salty/sweet, caffeinated beverages, take-out food that comes in boxes both cardboard and styrofoam….because nothing else will matter!

The Blogger’s Aspirational Goal.

Yes, that’s right; it is a meaningless life. However, you can be helped. But again as we stated earlier, you must admit your failings. It starts now. This is an intervention! STEP AWAY FROM THE KEYBOARD. NOW! NO, WE MEAN IT!

The world does not want to see the “cute” pictures of your children, pets, vacations, cars, boy/girl friends, whatever. The world wants even less to read what you feel you have to say, really. Why did you even think you have something meaningful to say? Truthfully, we don’t either, but since we are attempting to explain everything, this is as good a place as any to start. CLEAR ALL YOUR BOOKMARKS. THEY WILL BE DEAD TO YOU AND MEAN NOTHING TO YOU FROM NOW ON!

Now, of course you’re thinking to yourself that who are they (The Two Bruces) to tell us what and how to do it when they obviously are so guilty of what they portray as evil. Oh, yes. We know. We’ve been down that sordid road, barely surviving the clutches of this horrendous affliction. But we are Bruces. We know these things. And you should listen to us.


As we were saying, it’s an affliction but curable. And since you’ve admitted it, you are now on the long road to recovery. It won’t be easy; it won’t be brief. (This ain’t no party, no CBGB’s, this ain’t no messing around!) We hope you like herb tea because caffeine is now out of the question. No more Starbucks for you! Think Celestial Seasonings offerings. No more junk food either. This is the bed you created for yourself and we aim to help you get into a new, psychic Tempurpedic. It will be difficult, but ultimately worth it. AND FOR GOD SAKES,  NO MORE ONLINE SHOPPING! DO YOU REALLY NEED ANOTHER PAIR OF INFLATABLE TOOTHBRUSHES?

Going forward,we just have thi6te–=s – damn mouse! Bruce, can you fix this #&^%(*@ thing!?

  1. I am older than 24, and I never wear underwear when I blog, so there.

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